I’ve tried writing about ‘the things’ – kind of like there’s an expectation for me to put to paper all the thoughts that swim around in my head. But I’ve found it difficult.

As if putting them down cements them in a permanence that doesn’t happen if all I have done is let them out through speech. In speech the sounds are released as vibrations and are kept between ‘you’ and me.

And if I take it back even one more level to thoughts – well – thoughts are kept to myself. I could think of anything and keep vacillating between ‘this is my truth’ and ‘maybe I’m misremembering’.

And maybe the problem is that I’m judging me from the perspective of a 45 year old version of me instead of connecting with the child that I am judging.

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